The Goodbye Girl

Behind the Headlines July 21, 2010

I know today is “Wordless Wednesday” a great concept I stole from my friend, Brittany, where a picture is worth a thousand words. For the past few weeks it seemed like all I could do was participate in Wordless Wednesday because I just seemed helpless to find the words that could convey my heart….
Well, I do believe I have been silent long enough and although it is “Wordless Wednesday” I do have something to say…
I know many of you have read the Newspapers and watched the local news channels as they have dragged my family’s name though the mud in the past month… It seemed like every day it got worse and worse… I know I would sit at my computer, reading the latest, and think “this just can’t get worse…” Than the “latest” would surface and I was yet again blown away by the audacious lies being thrust around… Now, I’ll give them credit…they have worded their articles just “so” to lead everyone to my brothers hanging without knowing any of the real facts. Good job you illiterate, unjust, media people, who do not know how to do accurate reporting or even use spell check…
There was a woman who works for WSLS that was in the court room on the day of Bruce’s bond hearing and appeal who later reported that Bruce “had over a dozen supporters present” (There were 17 of us there that afternoon) and she seemed rather surprised by it… Maybe she realized that Bruce is an “average Joe” with a loving family, a little girl he needs to come home for, an out-going, social butterfly, an elite athlete, a glowing friend, with a bubbly spirit, and a smile a mile long. NOT the gun-slinging, murder-plotting, monster they are portraying him to be.
This whole mess has been stressful to say the least… I know everybody handles things differently…in the beginning everyone, not just my sister, was a blubbering mess, crying all the time. My dad couldn’t seem to get two words out without falling apart. I didn’t cry though. I remember asking my cousin, Ray, if he thought I was heartless because I hadn’t shed a tear for my brother. It’s well-known that I am a tough girl but I didn’t feel tough…I just felt numb. It wasn’t until a few days later, while I was on the phone with my sister, Jessica, that I began to sob and promptly got off the phone. Since then I’ve felt hot and cold to the whole situation. I started to feel like I was getting back into the swing of things, cooking, cleaning, going out with a friend or two… and then I felt like I relapsed back into my numbing state…It is difficult to deal with all of this and have people asking you how you are doing… Like, really?! Com’on people….how would you be doing? I know I seem like a rock but my soul is being crushed.
Bruce isn’t just my big brother, my “twin”, my go-to-guy, he is and has been one of my best friends for the past 24yrs and 10months (my birthday is coming up soon…Sorry, I just had to throw that in there…). And when people are constantly asking it’s like what else is there to say other than “I’m okay.” “Hanging in there.” “I’ll be fine.” I appreciate the concern and I know that is why people continue to ask to me… but when my sister asked my repeatedly the other day I just snapped! NO, is that what you all want to know? That No, I am not doing okay! I am scrambling for the last peice of thred to keep me hanging on and although I know I will be “just fine” I don’t feel it right now….Everyday my head is racing with a million different thoughts… I worry about my brother and all he is going through because underneath that hard exterior is a joyful kid who is scared to death. I hate going out with friends who “just want to get my mind off things” and make me feel like I can’t mention Bruce. I am fearful everyday that my boyfriend is gonna wake up and want out of this crazy mess. I worry that my friends will start to dwindle because they just don’t care that much… I am so stressed that I want to abandon everything… I spend days on end ferociously defending Bruce and disregarding hate mail or ignoring the mean things people are so brazen to say… and then I spend a whole day in bed….than I rinse off and repeat. That is my life right now.
My poor John takes me out and makes every effort to get my mind off things…but I carry my brother in my heart, it never seems to matter where I am, he is never far from my mind… His Bible is proof of that, when I was in VZ he let me borrow his Bible because it was more compact than my big, bulky one, and easier to travel with. I wrote a letter to Bruce in the front page of his Bible, describing the country and all I was experiencing. I remember wishing he was there, the ant hills were like the dirt jumps Bruce and I would build with our friends… And still, I wish he was here…and if I could, I would trade places with him in a heartbeat.

I was surprised by the sweetest card from Brittany today… it really picked me up and reminded me that even I need to be encouraged in all of this… I keep telling people to send Bruce cards and letters if they would like and I encourage everyone to even send my parents a “praying for you” note….and the last thing I expected was for a card to be sent to me!

Bottom Line: Don’t believe everything you hear/read…There is more to all this than the media is informing you of…
There is a group on Facebook, Innocent Until Proven Guilty where you can voice your questions and thoughts. I know our family has been overwhelmed by the support of friends and family and we thank you. We appreciate all the love and prayers. We have a long, hard, fight ahead of us… but we are going to fight, we haven’t given up on him, and no matter how long this takes or how tough it gets, we will always remain faithful to our cause to free the innocent!