Be Who You Are

“Conviction is God screaming “BE WHO YOU ARE!”
-Paul Atkinson

We are surrounded by materialistic items and people who on a daily basis try to tell us who we need to be… We see it on the cover of magazines; size two, sultry, actresses, revealing the top 40 moves to make any man hott. It presents itself it the boutique windows and low-calorie menus. We see successes in married women, mothers of well-behaved children… Who live behind their picket fences and famous apple pie recipes. Truth is, all those things are really just distractions to finding ourselves. It isn’t about who we should be, who we need to be, but who we ARE!
I am getting married in 40 days… and I am the first of a group of friends, all marrying one month after each other… naturally, I fear my wedding will be lame in comparison (I know, I know! How stupid, right?!) I am so conscious of my weight and how toned my arms are or if I am tan enough but not too tan for my bridal portrait’s this weekend….and what is probably the worst, most detrimental, and completely personal of all my irrational silliness, is how often I compare myself with the mother of Nic’s son…. am I as pretty? ‘Cause I know I’m not as thin…. Am I a better housekeeper, lover, partner, role model? That’s such a terrible confession….
I know who I am, God fashioned me with such love and intricate care… I have led an amazing life, I have seen so much of the world, I have invested love and life into innumerable things that in turn has taught me who I am and reveled more of myself to me than I could have ever found on my own… So, why do I care if I am measuring up to the ridiculous standards of this world?!
I remember in college feeling like I needed to keep up this facade so that the “real me” wouldn’t be discovered…. I though that no one would like me if they really knew me…I thought I had kept up with the charade so long that I couldn’t possibly reveal myself now and then I remember Paul telling me that conviction was God SCREAMING “BE WHO YOU ARE!” And this guilt I feel now for comparing myself to others…I know it’s God screaming at me “BE WHO YOU ARE, REBECCA! BE WHO I CREATED YOU TO BE! I FASHIONED YOU PERFECTLY, DON’T QUESTION WHAT I HAVE GIVEN OTHERS, it isn’t about what you think you deserve or what you see that you think you should have…I made you beautiful but not perfect to save you from vanity, find your confidence, steering clear of arrogance and remaining humble. Care more about others than how you measure up to them… I love you dear child, be who you are.”

This is a challenging time for me… there has been a lot to take in… there has been many changes…but I have strived, successfully, to remain who I am.